


Yours Forever, Eita

by Rokichan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood, Engagement, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rokichan/pseuds/Rokichan
Summary: No one expects anyone they love to die so early. No one expects anyone they love to just die before their dreams can be reached. No one expects it. Not even Shirabu. Not by a long shot. But sadly...life is the unfairest of the unfair. The one thing that Shirabu hates more than being all alone again.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	Yours Forever, Eita

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes. another one shot in which I torture some of my favorite characters because I am like that.

To my dearest Kenjirou,

I hope that this letter finds you well because I just can't imagine leaving you without knowing why I left in the first place. I don't want you to get the wrong idea or even blame yourself because it's impossible for you to be the one to blame. You were never to be blamed, by yourself or others. Remember that you aren't to blame. Only I am. All because I was too much of a coward to ask for help like you kept on asking, begging me too.

There was so much I wanted to do with you, love you more, hold you closer, sing to you, cherish you. Hell, even marry you! You were everything that I dreamed of having…Wonderful, beautiful, sassy, fiery. You were amazing and skilled in so many ways that I can't even list because of how long this note would be. You make me happy as fireworks erupt in my heart every time I see you. I always feel so helpless and weak at the knees when I see your precious and genuine smiles. Or even your beautiful laugh that sounds like a sweet melody. I know I'm being cheesy right now but it's the only way that I can properly express my feelings for you.

Oh, my love, I'm so sorry that I have to leave you. But I promise...when I’m back, in this life, or another, or maybe the next one...whichever life we are in, I will always find you. I'm going to find you and fall in love with you over and over again. This is my promise to you, my dearest love. 

Yours Forever, Eita 

There was a smile on Shirabus' face as he read the letter, eyes soft, loving, glassy. He can’t stop reading the letter over and over again with the soft glow of his desk lamp shining on it, his smile growing more and more, eyes getting glassy with each passing second. The room was dark...but it didn't matter. He would always read these precious memories over and over again. “Oh how cheesy you are Eita…” he whispered as he put the letter down, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

Oh he loved that man more than he can count the stars in the sky. He doesn't show it but he really does love him so much, more than he loves himself. Eita was too precious and too good for him. He was too pure and full of love and laughter while Shirabu himself was the opposite of him. 

He wasn't pure or easy to make smile. He was hard to please and entertain, always quick to anger and downright mean. But Eita always saw past him and he just accepted that it was him. He didn't try to change him or persuade him to be someone else. He never did. He only saw him and he loved him for himself. With Eita, he was Kenjirou. His Kenjirou. Oh, he loved being his so much...especially when he gets to have his love and touch and kisses. And...ahem, other things.

His face flushed slightly at the thought of those other activities they always did, his rough but gentle hands touching every inch of him with care and love. It made him feel like he was getting burned but in a way it didn't hurt. Eita was always meticulous with him, looking and observing to see what gave him the best reactions. He was such a tease sometimes...but Shirabu still loved him so much. Even if he was an insufferable asshole sometimes.

Ah crap, he missed him too much. 

Shaking his head, he stood up from his desk and grabbed the other stray letters that were spread all around his desk. Carefully, he made a small pile of them and held them in his hand with all the care he possibly had. There were so many memories in the letters that always had him reeling in so much fear and love or holding them close to his chest as if it is the most valuable thing in the world. Which was not very far off the mark. They were the most valuable things in the world. His world. The world he and Eita would create for themselves, where they were still together and whole.

He looked over at his window, blinking in surprise to see the full moon outside. Ah. had he really been reading these letters that long? Hm...he walked over to the closed window, huffing as he pushed the flying curtains away and opened the window up. All the while holding the letters of course. Don't ask how he did it. He's just multitalented that way after all. 

Shirabu looked up at the rather large full moon, its soft white glow seemingly caressing him. He tried to not imagine Eita doing it...but it didn't help that Eita always favored the night over the day, especially when he was always talking about the moon with that cheeky and stupidly adorable smile of his. It was hard to not think about him when he missed him so much already.  
(“EITA!! NO NO NO!! YOU STUPID IDIOT WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING??!!” 

“Hehe..go..men Kenjirou…”

“YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT!! DONT FUCKING LAUGH WHEN YOU’RE BLEEDING!!”)

It just makes him miss his Eita even more as he slowly put a hand to the side of his face, a wet feeling falling down from his eyes. Oh...he was crying…

He wiped his tears away with the heel of his palm, inhaling a shaky breath as he closed his eyes. He missed him so much. Is he ever going to come back to him? He wishes so much that he would. “Eita...I miss you so much…” he whispered into the night air, eyes slowly fluttering open as he looked up at the moon. 

That stupid moon that makes Eita smile and fascinated with. There was a heavy feeling in his heart, one that always seemed to happen whenever something bad had happened to him...or to someone, he loved so dearly. The hand on his face slowly went to his chest, pulling a small cord that held something small. A plain, silver ring with a black cord strung through it. Shirabu looked down at it, slowly twirling it in between his fingers. It was just the band...no jewels, no designs. It wasn't very intricate or expensive looking. But he didn't care. He never did. All that mattered was the thought of it. And Shirabu very much so loved the idea of what it meant. It's just that...it wasn't the way he thought of…

(“if you're ever lonely my love, just look up at the moon and talk about whatever you want to her. She'll listen to you and deliver your messages. Or at least that's what the legend says.” Eita explained sheepishly, looking over at Kenjirou who was just staring at him weirdly. 

“That's a weird legend. And a stupid one at that.” the latter replied, rolling his eyes as he folded his hands across his chest.

He and his stupid idiot were on the rooftop just stargazing which was stupid really. They were just looking at stars and the sky which you can literally do at any time you want. This was not any different but just so he can get Eita to stop whining he agreed to do it. It does make him and seeing him smile at him with such childish glee was one of his reasons that he loves that idiot..)

“...to my lovely Eita…” he started off in the softest of whispers, slowly pressing the small band to his lips. “You say that is if you're going to die, which I hope isn't the case. You're too stubborn to die, especially when you still have to marry me, hug me, and hold me again. But god, you're such a cheesy idiot it's almost infuriating. I hate that I love you when you're like that. Eita...I want you to come back to me. Please. I miss you so much that it hurts to even go outside because everything and I mean everything, reminds me of you.”

Shirabu had to stop and get his bearings back, pulling himself back together even when the seams were starting to fray and slowly be taken apart. There were already enough tears being spilled. He doesn't want to cry anymore. 

“When I see a couple...I think of us in their place. You hold my hand and an arm around my waist, pulling me close to your side and kissing me on the forehead. I want that back again. I want you to be with me. And then...I see a happy family...I never said this before but I want to have a family with you...one where we live happily ever after and someone to hold all of our love. Hey Eita...could we still make a family..?” he whispered to the band, pressing it to his lips for just a lingering moment as if the band was going to hold all his dreams and hopes, his fears, his love.

“Eita...I want to have a family with you. So please...come back to me..” he choked out, looking down with the letters pressed close to his chest. “Yours Forever, Kenjirou...” he whispered brokenly.

Tears were slowly falling and it hurt to cry. His eye burned so much and it felt so wrong to cry. So, it's so wrong to cry. He doesn't want to cry. So why is he crying? He doesn't want to. Make him stop crying. Please make him stop. Please please...he doesn't like crying. It hurts so much. He already cried about this before and it still hurts so much. A choked sob escaped from him, clenching the letters and band in his hands. He wants his Eita back. He wants him to hold him again and to hear his voice, to hear him singing to him and loving him. He wants his hands over him again. 

Ah...he felt like there was a piece missing from his heart. He felt so broken and empty and gone. It's like...he was forgetting something. Was he? Shirabu doesn’t think he is. He isn’t. He wasn’t. He has his Eita. His beautiful...beautiful….wait. There was something wet on his face...

Shirabu blinked slowly, tears still slipping down his face. He slowly reached to his eyes and there was a wet feeling there. He wiped it again and looked at it curiously. He was crying? Why was he crying? He has no reason to cry. Well a reason that he could think of. There was no reason to cry so why was he crying? He looked up at the sky and saw the moon, frowning slightly. 

Why was he near the window? He was so sure that he was at his desk reading...something. He wasn’t sure what it was. He then felt something that was in his clenched fist and he slowly became even more confused, looking down and saw a pile of letters in his hands. Why was he holding letters in his hands? He saw that they were a bit crumpled and he placed them on the ledge of the open window. Carefully, he flattened it out and with even more confusion, he saw his name at the top of the letter. 

“I don’t remember writing a letter to someone…” he mumbled to himself as he slowly read the letter that was written in a foreign style. 

There were so many...all dating to at least two maybe three years back. He looked at all of them slowly, flipping through the pages. But one date, in particular, caught his eye, the most recent one; two days ago. Shirabu skimmed through the contents of it and his eyes widened. It..it wasn't true..was it..? He can't be...no. No nono. He refuses to believe that. There was absolutely no way he was in love with someone. 

No, he was. He really was in love with Eita. He was. The ring was proof of that. The one that was hanging around his neck. He is in love with Eita and he was going to get married to him!!

But...who was Eita? He doesn't know him. He hasn't seen him before...and yet he has these letters? They're all from him so that means he must've talked to him at some point in his life...but he can't remember him!! He doesn't know this ‘Eita’!!! He has never heard that name before in his life!!

No. He has. He definitely heard that name before and he- he probably hasn't…

Shirabu had to put both of his hands on the ledge to steady himself. His head hurt so much...there was a throbbing and aching pain in it. He placed the heel of his palm to his forehead. Ugh. why did his head hurt so much..? Everything was going hazy and cloudy the more he thought about this...this guy. Shirabu needed something to ground himself with but he can't think of anything...

He couldn't get rid of the letters because obviously, he needs to find out who it belonged to and who he was. Well, it technically belonged to him…

“Fuck my head hurts…” he mumbled as he clumsily picked the letters back up in one hand and closed the window, pulling the curtains closed with his free hand. 

Walking back over to his desk, he placed the letters down there before going back to his bed and flopped onto it. He pressed a hand to his forehead and it was warm...oh. Maybe this was a fever dream or something? And somehow he started lucid dreaming or some shit? He doesn't know anymore. He was tired and he wanted to sleep this headache off. It hurt so much. Fuck headaches. He reached for a random pillow and buried his face in it, the cool material helping just a bit as his eyes closed slowly.

‘Hopefully, this headache goes away when I wake up…’ he thought as he slowly fell asleep, the ache and pain in his head slipping away as he drifted off.

~o~0~o~

“....ou!!”

“...jirou!!

“KENJIROU!!”

Shirabu jolted awake in surprise, eyes widening as he bolted up. He looked around the room in confusion, blinking, and rubbed his eyes while grumbling softly. In complete annoyance, he looked around to see who so rudely interrupted his sleep with an irk mark on his forehead. His annoyed glare landed on someone who was wearing a stupidly amused look, leaning against the doorframe whose arms were crossed lightly across his chest. With a fucking annoying revelation, he just glared at the male with ashy gray hair and dark gray tips. “What the fuck Eita.” he deadpanned.

It wasn't even a question. It was just a demand and annoying statement, one that made Eita snort as he uncrossed his arms and pushed off from his place on the doorframe. He walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling a leg up and setting it across his lap as he reached forward to place a hand on his forehead. “You were sleeping too much. You need food dummy because you're sick,” he said as he turned his hand over and placed the back of his hand to the sides of his cheek. “Not only that but for someone who's meant to be a doctor, you're shit at taking care of yourself.”

Rolling his eyes at him, Shirabu leaned into his touch, the cool feeling of it was a welcome feeling other than the warmth coming from him. Well..he thought it was warm. His hand seemed lighter and colder than usual….

“Oh shut up you idiot,” he mumbled in a half-hearted reply, eyes fluttering closed as he slowly placed a hand over Eita’s.

There was a soft laugh coming from a said male, then soft lips slowly lingering on his forehead before pulling away. Ah, he loved that laugh. It was so beautiful and so lovely. Shirabu loved hearing that laugh so much it was almost an addiction to just listen to it over and over again. It was so relaxing and he just...misses listening to it. He misses it so much. His laugh, his giggle, his smile, his eyes...everything. 

“You look so troubled overthinking about something that isn't your fault Kenjirou,” Eita whispered softly, making Shirabu bring his knees to his chest as he put his chin on his knees.

Shirabu exhaled shakily, nodding to his words. He didn't believe him. He really didn't. He knew it was his fault and he was reminded of it every day by his stupid mind. Reminded of what could've been if he wasn't selfish or too much of an asshole to not realize it. He never realized the way his beloved Eitas smile didn't reach his eyes. The way his laughter was slowly fading away. The way his eyes stopped lighting up every time he saw Shirabu. He saw the signs. 

He saw every damn sign and he didn't even ask about him. He was too much of a fucking coward to ask. Too scared to even talk to him about it. He was too scared to show his emotions and look at where that got him. His shoulders trembled and he placed his free hand on his shoulder, blinking slowly as his eyes burned with tears. Tears that he had absolutely no right to shed or have. There was so much weight on him and he can't...he can't get rid of it because he deserves to feel this weight. He deserves every single thing he's feeling right now. 

“Hey Eita…” he whispered, looking up to stare at the saddened expression of his precious Eita. “I don't think I could ever love someone like you again.”

Eita just smiled sadly and leaned forward to press his forehead against Shirabus' forehead, cupping his face so carefully and gently it made Shirabu want to cry even more. “Please try. You deserve to smile again,” He whispered softly, thumb slowly caressing his face as he looked into his eyes with such overwhelming softness. “So please. Find another love. One not like me and let me go.”

Shirabu looked at him helplessly, swallowing his cries as he pulled away from him and hid his face in his knees again. He shook, hugging his knees close to his chest as he exhaled shakily. He doesn't want to let him go. He wants him to stay...he wants him back again. He wants him to himself again. Shirabu was so selfish as to keep someone he can't have. Not anymore. 

Not anymore.

Not again…

Clutching the ring he held so close to his chest, he heard his love whisper his last words before he left all alone again in his empty and suffocating room. Words that had Shirabu crying and sobbing brokenly in his knees. Words that made the crash of the painful reality hurt so much more than the initial news he had received. Words that had him screaming and crying and breaking so much more. Words that made his borrowed happiness leave, never to return again. 

“My dear Kenjirou...I'm dead. Move on and be happy again, happy with someone who isn't me. Yours Forever, Eita.”

Shirabu responded with his own sad and heartbreaking feelings, completely broken and gone. Voice so quiet and soft you could’ve mistaken it for the wind you hear as you pass by an open cave. A tone so hurt and gone, so sad and done with everything that you could’ve mistaken it for nothing more than the whimpering of a lost puppy. “To my lovely Eita...please wait for me. Please wait as long as it takes so I can fulfill my end of the deal…” he whispered into the empty bedroom, void of any love or warmth in r happiness. “Yours Forever, Kenjirou.”

**Author's Note:**

> andddd there we go!! The second one-shot did and another one-shot where I make people cry over something so cute and warm. 
> 
> and if you're confused, yes Semi Semi is dead and Shirabu did have to see him die because i love my setters.


End file.
